darrus (darrus) wrote,

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Coach OTP fic - Perhaps Love


: darrus
Fandom: German National team
Pairing: various
Rating: PG 
Language: English
Warning: RPS, songfic (song can be downloaded here)

Disclaimer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy

Summary: chance is all there is...

Author's notes, previous chapters and music here

Timeline for the series is here 




There's a chance you will be there.

And – strange as it may seem – it’s a reason enough for me. So much for money and publicity, even if you, knowing me – knowing me well enough – will think this is what I am after. I am. But still I wouldn’t be, if I didn’t know that you may – you will be there.


There, not far from our home – but oh so far from me. The hotel walls are like a fortress around you, and your duty is your armour, shielding you from me… If only from me, I wonder. I wonder if this fortress will be open, a welcoming place for someone else. I am almost sure it will be. But this ‘almost’ is what is hurting me the most. I don’t know. But I want to, no matter how much it will hurt.

I'd like to know the truth.


I'll find it out somehow.

The truth about your reasons – and what you really are. And more important – what I have to do. Right now I am just scared, and part of me is hoping that I’ve just understood you wrong. And your ‘observations’ were not hints. I want to believe it, but I know I should not.


I should not think about you. Because it’s no use, and eighteen years have taught me something after all. I should not think and should not wish, and hope is the silliest thing that’s ever existed. I know that even if I meet you it will be but a moment, and nothing more. Yes, there’s another chance of building something, but…

The chances aren't too strong.


A chance you will be there.

And walk a familiar street, and enter a familiar door. Just out of habit, because not too much time has passed to make you forget all of your habits. And then, if you walk in here once more, if we meet again, maybe I won’t let the opportunity pass. Maybe I will finally tell you that I love you.


I love you. How many times have I said these words to you, and how many times I’ve heard you answer, and still. Still every time I see anyone near you – someone that has a right to be so close to you – I feel myself betrayed. I understand everything, you know. But seeing you with your dear wife, with your dear friends, is too much for me sometimes. So there is only one thing I want to ask of you. Only one. When you come here, when you come to support me, to keep me strong with your presence, please…

Please be there alone.


Help me speak of love.

Help me. Because I don’t know the words, it seems. I don’t know sometimes what to say to you… Or maybe what I shouldn’t say? There is always a feeling that you’re expecting something from me – but only if I knew what it may be. Especially now, this month when you’ll need everything I can give to you. And I can only hope that I will be able to do everything that is needed.


Everything that is needed. And what should stop me? Nowadays it seems to me that I’m the only one who knows exactly what he wants to achieve. Everyone is speaking about chances and weighting the possibilities, as if it is important. Does no one else remember that only the thought-out plan can lead to success?

Chances aren't enough.


One's too good to miss.

And it’s all that can be said about our chances here. One chance – and we can’t afford to miss it. Even though I talk confidently about our perspectives, I know how easily everything turns around when it comes to these ‘big tournaments’. And I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to wear the ‘unfulfilled’ tag they’re already giving me. And also, pathetic as it may sound, I don’t want something that we – you and me, we all – have started to end in a failure.


I don’t want to fail you. But… I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should have told you about Flick, just so you will know what is going on. But I’m still not sure myself. Though I know I should have told you still. But he’s too important to you right now. But he’s your friend. And there is still a chance that I am wrong. This is what I’m trying to convince myself of. A chance, indeed...

Chances aren’t too strong.


A chance is all there is.

Just one small chance to get to you, that I can’t let slip. I am not going to wonder if it will bring anything or not. And sure I’m not going to think about ‘what if’. But at least this time you will have to take me seriously. And then… We’ll see.

We’ll see how it all pans out. Football is such an unpredictable game, and it’ll be interesting, interesting to say the least. Even though
England is not there, and because of it I’m not even planning to visit the Continent this time of year. And you will be at the stadiums, watching your team. I won’t go there to meet you – you’ve invited me, but I won’t. Though knowing you I may be right in my decision to stay in London. Who knows what you are going to do the next second…

There's a chance you will be there.


Wondering what to do.

Wondering if I should stay home. If I should come to you and find out what it is you want from me. If I should do nothing at all and let you make all the moves. If I should just forget your number and stop answering your calls. If I should just forget about your existence – like I haven’t remembered you once in all those years. If I should find a way to play my own game with you.


How to play my role…

Maybe you will help me? What should I do to make you not just listen to me but to actually hear what I say and not dismiss it like you always do? You’re probably right not to trust me, but this time you’d better do. But will you actually?

I'll leave it up to you.


If I disguise my smile, will you notice how much I’m enjoying it? When you come to me – to talk, as you would say – it will be hard not to gloat looking at your face. It’s hard even to keep a straight face when Jogi is talking about you, and even he is noticing my reaction. I should probably stop smiling when your name is mentioned in my presence.
It gives too much away.


What if we can't speak?

I woke up tonight and it was my first thought. What If we won’t meet? Even if I book the room in a hotel close to you, even if we collide into each other on the street, what if we can’t speak to each other? What should I do then, if I miss this opportunity to get you back? Will there be another chance?


Will there be another argument between us that we pretend is not an argument at all? I’ve told you that I’m being a bit late, and you haven’t said anything but I know that yet again something is not right by you. And you’re not telling. And once again I am lost. I could have told you nothing – and you would have been offended. I’ve told you – and you’re offended all the same, I feel it. Maybe I’m just using the wrong words?

What then shall I say?


Don't you be too long.

Don’t you dare leave us – leave me alone right now. You know that I am waiting for you. You know how your presence is important. So don’t you dare forget it. You should be here.


You should be with me. Or I should be with you, but not so far apart – as if we’re strangers to each other. How long do we know each other, how many years – and every time I was there for you and you were there for me, but now… You’ve always needed those you love to be close to you, and now you’re shutting me out just when you’re about to face the toughest challenge in your life. It’s not supposed to be like that. It was never supposed to be like that.

Something has gone wrong…


The chances are all gone.

For you, for me, for both of us – there is no chance anymore. And no matter how often we tell each other that it’s better this way, there will always be a one small doubt. A prayer. A thought. No matter what the rational part of mind is saying.

There’s a chance you will be there…


There's a chance you will be there
I'd like to know the truth
I'll find it out somehow
The chances aren't too strong
A chance you will be there
Please be there alone
Help me speak of love
Chances aren't enough
One's too good to miss
Chances aren’t too strong
A chance is all there is

There's a chance you will be there
Wondering what to do
How to play my role
I'll leave it up to you
If I disguise my smile
It gives too much away
What if we can't speak
What then shall I say
Don't you be too long
Something has gone wrong
The chances are all gone





Tags: coach otp, fanfiction, football, klinsmann, loew, matthaeus, perhaps love, slash, soccer
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