ALL I HAVE TO GIVE
Fandom: German National team
Disclaimer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy
Summary: Two lovers meet
Author's notes, previous chapters and music here
Timeline for the series is here
All I Have to Give
His hands are restless. Always in motion – touching a cup, sweeping away invisible crunches, running along the silverware, smoothing the napkin, touching a cup again. Restless.
“As tough as it gets”
He is tired. Now when I see him so close I can see how tired he really is. It’s not in the face, it’s in this restlessness, in his way of speaking, it’s inside of him.
And Olli asked me to talk him into signing the new contract right away, and I can’t find it in me to talk about it because he looks tired and restless, and last of all he needs me pressuring him into anything… Even if it is related to the team. Even if I want him to sign this contract no less than Olli does. Even so, he will decide everything by himself in his own time.
“Is Daniela well?”
“Daniela?” In absent voice, as if not registering the question. I don’t know what is he thinking about, but there is something more important to him right now than this small talk we are trying to make.
“I’m glad that you’re here”, says he suddenly. Answering to the thought that hasn’t even formed yet, that maybe I should have better asked him if I’m needed before coming here.
But he smiles, looking at me, and I love seeing him like that, with a smile on his face/ I haven’t seen him… I haven’t seen him for such a long time, for such a very long time… Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him since London, and talking on the phone is not enough, at least for me.
I wonder if we still can be called lovers – seeing each other once in a month, living half the world apart, sharing thoughts but rarely something more.
“Fine, fine”, he has no desire to talk and if I’m trying to keep a conversation going it’s merely for the sake of appearance, just because it would be strange to sit at the same table in the restaurant and not speak to each other. If not for that – we both would have enjoyed some moments of shared silence.
He’s lighting a cigarette and then throws it away without even putting it to his lips.
“Just a habit, that I don’t need, especially right now when you are here”, answers he my questioning look and smiles again.
I wish I would be able to ease whatever is troubling him. Looks like it’s good that I’ve came here after all.
“Would you prefer to go home?”
He nods, but doesn’t move, and for a second time today I have a feeling that he’s expecting me to add something, some word or two, and maybe it’s my imagination or he really seems disappointed because I don’t say it whatever it is.
If only I knew what he wants me to say. I would’ve done it in a minute.
But I don’t know. I don’t even know…
He shrugs and stands up, catching my hand and squeezing it for just a second. And then leads a way, so sure and strong as he always is.
And if he really expects me to say something more, he doesn’t tell. And maybe I’m just imagining things after all.