IL MARE CALMO DELLA SERA
Fandom: German National team
Disclamer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy
Summary: Juergen Klinsmann's POV
Author's notes, previous chapters and music here
Il Mare Calmo Della Sera
Some people are afraid to travel by plane. I find it fascinating.
There is something thrilling in it. This almost unimaginable height, steady vibration of a metal, clouds beneath you, the sun so bright that you can’t look at it. The knowledge that your life depends only on the professional qualification of a man you haven’t even seen and the quality of metallic parts. This thought is a little terrifying, I admit. But it helps to put things into perspective. While on the plane, it’s impossible to think about mundane things. Only the questions that are really important can chase your hear, so high above Earth.
And the main question for today is – what was I thinking?
So. I’ve spent this night with a man who happens to be one of my closest friends. Without planning to do something like that. Without thinking about how it will affect our friendship. Without taking any precautions as to how many people could have seen us and how many reporters were among them. Makes me wonder if I was thinking at all.
Looks like I’ve created myself another problem where no complications should have ever been. What was I thinking indeed.
Because Jogi wasn’t thinking yesterday, this much is clear. His behavior last evening was bordering on irrational, this was what made me notice that something is amiss in the first place. Joachim Löw and irrational. I still have troubles using these two terms in the same sentence. And, instead of being the reasonable one for a change, I’ve… Well, I’ve done what I’ve done.
And I know, from my own experience too, that having an affair with your friend is not the best idea.
I’ve had two attempts so far. The first time it ended… Well, to say it ended badly would be an understatement. The worst kind of fallout one can imagine. And the worst thing is, it still gives me troubles at almost every turn. But I admit that it’s my own fault. I handled it all badly from the start and got what I deserved, and it was a good lesson to me.
And the other time… The other time. Probably what we had was love. It was a mutual decision to end all, because it was better for us both. And we were right, now we are friends again and we are both happy. But it still hurts a little. And I know that it hurts him too.
One would decide that this would be enough to make me think before I try the same for the third time.
One would be wrong apparently.
And, by the way, these two affairs happened before my marriage. Just a little side note that goes to show that I’ve lost my ability to think at the most inopportune of times.
Because if I was thinking yesterday, I should have made a show of not noticing any tensions between us. I should have bought all of Joachim’s explanations. And, the main thing, I should have gone to the hotel alone.
Well, it’s the history of the problem now. Because I took him with me and I had sex with him and I can’t change it now even if I wanted to.
And for him it was a first time. That’s my Joachim. Always brave, always ready to get himself into some adventure. Just to think about his agreement to be my assistant coach. It took him all of five minutes to decide to enter the project that could very well end in a big disaster. It’s one of the many things we have in common – this ability to make quick decisions when it’s needed. And even when it’s not needed…
Well, back to our current predicament. I wonder why he chose me to be his first. Not that it matters, but I would like to know his reasons. Surely not because of my stunningly good looks – I have no illusions on this part, and I doubt it happened because he’s in love with me.
No, jokes aside, it’s the question that I’d really like to know the answer to. It’s irrelevant, but still interesting. Though the explanation is probably as obvious as that – he wanted to try this, he trusts me, so I’m the logical choice. And I should have simply asked him this morning if I wanted to know his reasons, instead of trying to guess now. Whatever it was, it comes down to the fact that he wanted me. And I responded.
Which I probably shouldn’t have done. Because right now I see nothing but complications coming out of it.
I don’t want to lose one of my best friends over sex. What we have – this blind understanding, this ability to read each other, this comfortable, easy way of communication – matters much more than any brief fling. And if it creates any problems in Joachim’s family life… I doubt he will ever forgive me this.
It’s all good and well and very convenient to have side affairs when you’re half the World away from your wife. But he is doing it practically in Daniela’s presence. Right now I wonder how Joachim will explain to her why he spent this night elsewhere. And if there’ll be problems, if this marriage – one of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen – falls apart because of me, if he loses the woman he loves so much… He’ll probably kill me, and will be right too.
And I understand that it’s no concern of mine. He’s a grown man and he is responsible for his own actions. If he decided that he wants to have an affair with me, it’s his decision, I have nothing to do with it. But still, maybe I should have been the one with clear thinking yesterday.
The problem is – I wanted him. I still do. And it’s not about acrobatic numbers in bed, though I admit that it was good, very good. What I want is this closeness that was between us, this special relationship when one look is enough to understand what other is thinking. And if he thinks that there should be sex between us too – so be it. Not that I will have to force myself to have physical relationship with him. I just hope that we both won’t regret it later.
Too late to think about risks. The choice was simple – either not noticing anything or going to bed with him. Saying “no” was never an option, and it’s completely out of question now. It will bring nothing but awkwardness from both sides. Not to mention that it will hurt him, and it’s the last thing I want to do.
And I’d really like to know why he decided to have relationship with me in the first place…
Author’s notes: the title translates as “the calm evening sea”
Note that previous two parts happen in the evening of 15th of September, and this one is the next day, 16th of September.
For people who are going to continue reading – I’ll try to write something after the premiere of Wortmann’s film (I’ll do for sure if Klinsmann really comes to Germany because of it), but if I won’t have time because of some complications in Real Life, next part will be posted after the matches of National Team.