Fandom: German National team
Disclaimer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy
Summary: Debbie Klinsmann's POV
Author's notes, previous chapters and music here
Timeline for the series is here
This year is almost at its end, and a new one is coming. The easier one, the happier one. This year was hard, one of the toughest we’ve had to face together, but we’ve managed. And now everything is returning to normal, and Jürgen is able to laugh again, and he is almost like he was before all this madness began.
It was Jürgen’s year, and probably the hardest year in his life too, and maybe it was the hardest year for me as well. For him it meant the burden of great expectations and responsibility, and constant attacks, and indescribable euphoria, loss and triumph. For me it meant standing by him whenever he needed me, and – much more harder – standing back when he needed to be alone.
But now it’s over. When I look back, I’m thinking about summer in
And sometimes I’m thinking about the one who stays in
I wonder, Joachim, what do you think about me. Do you dislike me? I am Jürgen’s wife, and my husband loves me as much as I love him, and you…
I know that what’s going on between you and Jürgen is more than friendship. It’s not that you two are obvious, but I just… I think it’s simply because I know the man I love. He never was able to keep secrets from me, though I will never tell him about it.
So, you are my husband’s lover, Joachim. I know that you wanted him for a long time, and I know that there was nothing between you until this autumn. It was enough to look at you two together to see your longing and to see that he doesn’t notice it. You were wise to keep your feelings to yourself. I doubt you two could have worked together as good as you did if he knew…
I almost don’t know you, Joachim. I’ve seen you a couple of times, I’ve talked to you, but I can’t even call you a good acquaintance. You seem to be a good man, a kind man, and you are clever, and you are trustworthy – Jürgen would have never taken you to his bed if it was otherwise. But I don’t know you. And I don’t know why he is with you now.
And if you think that I am jealous – you are wrong. Because I know that it all doesn’t matter.
I’ve never had any reason to doubt that Jürgen loves me. And I don’t doubt him now. What he feels for me is more than you or anyone else can ever dare to hope for. We’re giving each other such happiness and love, and I know that he will never look at any other woman.
But there are some things he needs that I simply can’t give him. So I don’t begrudge him this affair. If he wants to be with you from time to time, I have no problem with it, as long as it brings him joy. I know that you won’t hurt him, and he always returns to me.
And I wonder, Joachim, do you understand where your place in his life is. I think you do. You are a clever man, and they say you are a great tactic and you are famous for your ability to think quickly and rationally. I think – I hope – you know that what he feels for you isn’t love. Though he cares for you deeply, one word from me will be enough to make him stop your relationship, and I hope you realize it.
You’re a good man, Joachim, and I hope you don’t try to create yourself a dream. Because I don’t want you to be hurt when everything ends. It should hurt already – to know that the one you love doesn’t love you in return. But I hope, I hope you know it, because I am sure that your relationship won’t last long. Jürgen may get tired, he will get tired – of you, of flights, of this constant need to hide… And you know yourself what will happen then.
I shouldn’t care about your feelings, really. But I don’t wish you pain. You were with Jürgen these two years, you supported and helped him every time he needed you, and I am grateful for it. Without you it all would be much harder on him. So you deserved this reward, and I am glad that Jürgen was considerate enough to finally pay attention to your feelings.
But Jürgen loves me, not you. And as long as he loves me, everything else doesn’t matter. He can have any affair with any man he wants, and you are a very good choice. For our marriage it’s irrelevant. You’ll be surprised if you knew that I’m only happy for Jürgen. Your affair doesn’t hurt me, and I don’t feel jealousy or pain.
I even pity you a little, Joachim. But he is mine.