ALL MY LOVING
Fandom: German National team
Disclaimer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy
Author's notes, previous chapters and music here
Timeline for the series is here
All My Loving
It's our second day on
Packing my suitcase, probably. Going over the last minute details. Bantering with Hansi... Whatever.
The thing is, I don't remember. I know where I was and what I was doing, but all my thoughts and feelings are here now. Except for my love of course.
The weather is good here, warm and pleasant. Everybody's having a great time, though players are a bit worried - they all think about the possibility of being left out...
Yes, yes, I'm exaggerating. Not everyone, but still there's plenty of tension when it comes to training and everybody does their best, which is good... But I'll stop rambling for now.
Till tomorrow, and love you.
The day is great. I've spent the whole morning swimming. Love the sunlight and real summer. Olli is a born entertainer, he's getting even the personnel of our hotel half-dying with laughter at breakfasts. I wonder if he's in love?
Being in love does wonders for a person, I'm the walking proof of this truth.
Oh, and have I told you about Hansi who’s managed to get drunk? Yes, that’s exactly what my co-trainer is doing in his free time, drinking till he’s blue in the face the next morning, and late for a training. And you thought appointing him is a good idea! You’re the one to blame.
I’m joking, don’t worry.
But he really did get drunk, and really was late for training. If he came earlier, I would have got him in the swimming pool, even if I had to throw him there by force – but he would have been sober… Now he’s a laughing stick for Phil – Lahm and Schweini saw him tripping over the log on a way to the field and now are making fun of him, spinning stories… It looks like some sort of a contest to me, and if they ask me, the version about him getting drunk to forget about his unrequited love wins hands down – can’t imagine something more outrageously fantastic, though the scenario with aliens and flying saucers is promising too… But I digress.
We’ve fallen into the training routine already, and it all works out perfectly. Finely tuned machine. Only you are missing…
No, please, don’t laugh, I’m not trying to amuse you. It’s just that all this reminds me of Sardinia, and sometimes it’s so similar it’s frightening. Only your absence doesn’t let me forget where I am and what year it is.
Andy is having fun too. This routine with five balls – I think he told you about it – it is well working, so the goalkeepers are happy. And if you ask me about Timo, I’ll stop talking with you. I’m serious.
Am I forgetting something?
Swimming – Hansi – similarities – goalkeepers – Olli… Ah yes, Olli bought himself a new t-shirt, dark red with illusion print – it looks like the colored circles are crawling back and forth, yesterday he was walking around the camp scaring everyone, but today he’s dressed modestly, which is a progress. It seems like I’m living in a kindergarten, doesn’t it?
Guess it’s all. If I remember something important, I’ll add it later.
P.S. Oh yes, I remember – I’ve forgotten to tell you that I love you. So – I love you.
Here be dragons.
Um, not exactly dragons, just wanted to put the phrase in here. There was a paraplanes festivity – small tournament or just something-whatever, we went to watch with Hansi. I wanted to join, but the whole hour of discussions about how cool the coach on crutches will look during the goal celebrations made me drop this idea… Though I regret it, you know. If they plan to repeat something like that, I’ll be tempted to enlist. Do you know if the coach with broken leg is a good omen for a team? Poldi said something about it, but I’m not sure about the source of information…
Speaking of Poldi, he’s having fun. Is he making advances on Miro? Hansi thinks so, and he has a good eye for this sort of things.
So many things to gossip about, but not much to say about actual training. Everyone is giving more then they can, because nobody wants to be left out of the squad. I’m almost sure already who are these unlucky men, but it’s hard to tell it to anyone… Damn, it was much easier last time, maybe because it wasn’t me who had to break the news to guys, it was still hard, don’t get me wrong… But there is still time and sparring matches too, and everything can change. As I’ve said already, I’m keeping all my options open for as long as I can.
And already I’ve forgotten what I was going to write…
You know, I think one letter per day was a bad agreement. Forget about what I just said about keeping the options open, it was my worst mistake this month – to agree to cut our mail to these big summary letters. First – I’m forgetting half of the things I’d like to tell you, and second – I still write notes to not forget things that are important.
On the other hand, it lets me add things to the already written letters – but on the other hand again, I could’ve just sent one more message.
And don’t start reciting again all the reasons we’ve got to this in the first place – yes, we both have work to do and writing about every single detail will take too much time.
But now I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to write, so I guess I’ll drop it for now. It’s 3 a.m., by the way. And I’m not asleep. And yes, I’ll wake up at 7 a.m., that means in four hours. So I’d better go to bed then.
Ah yes, one more thing. The juice they serve at breakfast is truly delicious. I’ll have to inquire about the brand, and if it is possible to get it back in Germany.
Ok, already in bed, don’t scowl.
With love and more than half-asleep,
I love you.
Still haven’t remembered what I was going to write yesterday – early dementia, would you think? I really should start making notes.
Olli and Andy don’t speak since yesterday’s evening. Olli said that goalkeepers’ kit looks ridiculous. Andy said that some members of team’s leading personnel have no sense of style. Olli took offence. Andy said that he meant just that. Hansi is working as a parliamenter at the moment because these two won’t say a word to each other directly, even if they’re standing two feet apart from each other. They’ve tried to use me too, but I’ve made a bad messenger – I’m always adding my own words to the message I’m carrying.
The conditions are just fine, don’t read the newspapers, I don’t know where the rumors come from – or do they even come from anywhere, because newspapers are banned. I mean BANNED. And not only for players, but for us too. So – even if you read something, don’t write me about it, I’m in isolation and proud of it.
The best thing is that there are no major injuries like broken arms or sprained ankles, and everything is going according to schedule. I secretly hope that something breaks ASAP, otherwise I’ll start to worry about our perspectives – you know, when everything is going so smoothly it means usually that it’s going nowhere.
Add.: Oh, ok. Our main computer – the one in Hansi’s room, with database – just crushed. Everything’s not half as bad, but we’ve got quite a scare. Just as well that nothing is lost, Hansi just started reorganizing everything there. Andy and Olli are still not talking, but me and Hansi make it up for everyone. Guys are watching movies at the time and having a table-tennis tournament again.
And I still love you.
Andy and Olli still not talking – only when they are in front of the cameras. I bet they do enjoy it, and the players surely do.
Swimming again this morning, and I’m noticing that I’m smoking more and more as the tournament draws near. Yesterday evening I remember reaching for cigarette only to find out that the pack is empty – and had to go to bed without my nicotine fix… I’ll pay more attention from now on and won’t be smoking more than two cigarettes a day, I promise.
Mirko is making advances at Poldi. What’s going on in this team? Maybe I should step forward and declare male-male relationships forbidden from now till the end of tournament. Or just ban sex altogether, and worry about the consequences later. If we’re going to have dramas in the middle of the championship, it will mean the end of our quest. Andy says we see dirty things where there isn’t anything dirty and claims that Miro and Lukas are good friends and that’s end of story. Damn these goalkeepers with their ability to present things with deadpan looks on their faces. I still don’t know if Andy is serious or if he too believes that something is going on here.
I’m rambling again? Sorry, sorry. You know, it’s just that there’s nothing much to write about (I’ve typed ‘to write home about’ actually, imagine?). I can describe our training schedule and the exercises, but it’ll be too dull, and I don’t want you to waste your time reading about the same old stuff every day. I’d much rather read about your work, at least you’re going about a new project and that is never boring.
Mind you, I don’t say our life here is boring – too entertaining rather, if I’m starting to complain. There is so much going on at the same time and I sometimes regret that I’m not an octopus and have to walk on just two legs – it makes the process so much slower. Oh, and yesterday we were remembering our Sönke and how everyone was having fun around him, when he was running around with a camera, searching for better angles. Olli even made a halfway good impersonation of him, using his mobile phone as a camera and trying to tape some footage – dropped the idea when Micha threatened to beat him up. Though Olli did record something and we’ll be watching it tonight.
And I love you, by the way.
Add.: Watched the recording, Micha and Phil having a laugh about us coaches – ah, now I see why Olli almost got beaten when they’ve found him out. Hansi suggested putting it on Youtube for entertainment purposes. Imagine the uproar if we really did that? Well, we did imagine – so decided against it in the end, but the idea is still tempting… I guess Olli likes the role of paparazzi, and I guess I don’t like it one bit. There’s seriousness lacking in here. But – but we’ve seen it two years ago, there will be plenty of seriousness once we get to the closing stages of the tournament. Note that I’m not saying ‘if’ – ‘when’ it is.
Add.2: I love you. I’ve said it already, I know.
Good luck to you today.
P.S. Infrared cameras?! Is Olli going mad or is it me?!
P.P.S. It was me. No infrared cameras and no stupid ideas. And we have a side-to-side game tomorrow, Hansi is drawing schemes and munching on something, so I can’t concentrate. Maybe I should try these cookies too.
P.P.P.S. No, don’t like them.
How the time flies…
Once more good luck to you.
I’m under the strong impression that half of the team is sleeping around with the other half, and I – like a husband from comedies – am the last to know.
This keeps everyone occupied - gossip lovers are gossiping to their hearts' content, everyone else is pretending that nothing happens. I'm a bit amused by it all, but also surprised - can you imagine such gossips going around in our time? Now it is almost ordinary thing - these jokes which are barely decent. I'm continuing my banning thing - feeling myself like an angry moderator of a weird forum. Now the swearing is banned. Most of the boys resorted to gestures, and showing such a great variety of these that Andy started to make a catalogue of them. I'll wait till he collects the whole repertoire and then obscene gestures will be banned too. See, how intolerant and angry I am.
By the way, Andy and Olli are still not talking to each other. Hansi's got used to transferring messages from one to another, and if Hansi is not around, they write their messages on a board in the training room.
I'm not going to write you about Olli's work, you know all about it from newspapers anyway.
Instead I'll write you about the way we play pool. Me and Olli, though Olli's not that great at it. He misses the balls that have no way but going in (Andy mutters "exactly as he was playing football", but I think I didn't need to tell you that), and I'm not too good at playing it either (guess what Andy’s remarks are), so in the end we make a perfect sparring team.
And I’ve also found partners to play cards – nothing complicated, the same stuff we were playing back then in the bus coming from the away match, but you know I enjoy it. There was an idea of poker competition, but Hansi’s good sense prevailed – really, casino games are out of place here, as informal as we try to make the situation look.
Oh, and pool… But you’ve seen it all yourself many times. Let’s just say I’m not playing better now than I was two years ago. Half-decent.
I’ve just reread the letter – what rubbish am I writing? You may think that all we do is having fun doing nothing… I wish it was like that, honestly.
The tension is already so thick we all feel it. It never was like that. Even when I was in Stuttgart, even before the CWC final – it wasn’t like that, and the last WC doesn’t equal either. It’s not even the expectations, it’s the whole thing… You know, like packing your suitcase in a crowded room with two minutes left before departure, and trying to make sure that nothing is left out, nevermind that you don’t know what things you are supposed to pack.
Though it gets the adrenalin going, and I like it. It’s wonderful – waiting for something important to begin. But can be stressful at times.
So I’ll pretend I’m having fun doing nothing, and you’ll pretend that you believe it, ok?
With that in mind, yours and loving you
Sorry, no time to write even five sentences, so just a quick message to say that I love you. Evaluation training today, and we still have much to think about considering the squad – and formation. Andy and Olli are on speaking terms again – and yes, you are absolutely right to think that nobody even tried to apologize. Olli remarked that our goalkeepers’ kit is very stylish when you look at it from the stands, Andy said that he’s always known that our manager has a great sense of style, Olli thanked him, that was it – good of them, the joke was getting old. I want to find out who is listening to Rammstein after lights out and have a word with this jester. Some guy on a red Ferrari is always passing our bus on a road to and from training field – some admirer stalking the team? Ah, and Hansi is complaining that since Bierhoff is speaking with Köpke again nobody needs him anymore.
I love you.
P.S. Remember the random notes we were scribbling on pieces of paper and pushing under each other’s doors because it was quicker than even writing SMS? I’ve found myself writing such note about something-or-other to you and then remembered that you’re not here, imagine? I’ve ended up pushing the note under Andy’s door, it was complete nonsense anyway, but he surely thinks it’s something important. They’re sitting with Urs now and going over something. I hope they won’t come up with another great project?
P.P.S. I love you.
Cameras on the field, autographs session was fun, the coverage is absolutely great. I – sorry, we are sure now who is going to be left out of the team, but we’ll wait till tomorrow’s game before announcing the final decision. I don’t think we’re being unfair to the guys. Not telling you yet because everything can change – if someone injures himself, for example.
Don’t say anything about Kaiserslautern. Just don’t. Say. Anything.
You seem to be the only one who haven’t reminded me yet about the stadium we are playing in, and I appreciate it.
I love you.
No, not only that.
I miss you and I wish you would finally get yourself here so I will finally see you – I can’t leave right now, though I would have wanted to. I want to see you. Everything would have been perfect if you were here with me…
If you’ll be able to watch the game tomorrow, I would like to hear your thoughts. We’re running in circles here and any new input is much appreciated, but I warn you – whatever you’re going to suggest, you’ll have to battle with Olli over it yourself, I won’t be of much help anyway. And Urs is invariably on his side. So – you’re warned.
Missing you terribly.
P.S. I love you.