NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
Fandom: German National team
Disclaimer: I still don't know people mentioned in this story and I still hope it isn't true. The plot is still only my fantasy
Summary: So close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters...
POV changing between the two, I think who's who will be easy to guess.
Author's notes, previous chapters and music here
Timeline for the series is here
Nothing Else Matters
I fasten the safety belt and lean back in the chair, and the plane is already gathering speed to take a flight. This is a familiar and strangely comforting feeling – barely noticeable vibration and sound of pilot’s voice, chimes from above, opening credits of another movie on the screen. Everything around is familiar, and everything somehow makes me think of you, you – the one who is waiting for me at the end of this flight.
It doesn’t matter what is the real reason of me crossing the time zones for the umpteenth time, be it a club business or a visit to Stuttgart or a call from friend even – somehow it’s always about you, and it’s you to whom I come at the end of my road and it’s you who I leave when it’s time to start a trip back. For the last… See, I can’t even remember for how many years it all had to do something with you. My partner, my friend, my lover – my beacon that always calls for me, and when the plane climbs up to rise above the clouds, when I close my eyes to try and catch some sleep, I know that now matter where my road is planning to take me it always leads me to you.
Every time I spot you in the crowd that fills airport’s halls, I have to catch my breath. Like the first time when I’ve seen you – no, not seen, but noticed – and knew what are you going to mean for me from then on. Like a first time, and you know, no matter how much time has passed, it still haven’t changed.
You’re golden, you’ve always been, a sun descending from the sky, a beautiful bird of passage that takes a moment’s pause to rest here – this is what I can say if I let my silly-poetic-romantic side a free reign, though I never will, because you surely won’t understand this wish that I sometimes have. The wish to say these cheesy things, like calling you ‘my angel’ or worse ‘my sunshine’ – and both are true, you know. But I surely don’t want to shock you with this strange tendency of mine. So I just smile at you when you approach me, and marvel at your smile, and shake your hand, and always call you by name – ‘Jürgen’.
And you are fine with it, as you look at me with the brightest of smiles on your face and with happiness that takes my breath away. Or maybe I am imagining things and your face doesn’t soften when you turn your gaze at me? No, I may be a fool with capital ‘F’ sometimes, but I’m not the one to delude myself. At least I hope I’m not flattering myself too much by assuming so.
And as I lead you to my car I can’t help but feel ridiculously happy – because you are here and because I am here with you.
I look at your face as you drive a car down the streets to… Somewhere. Maybe it’s careless of me, maybe someone – even you – will take it as an indifference. I always leave it up to you – wherever we go, what we’re going to do. You say, and I’m glad to follow. See, it’s not an indifference in any way, but I really don’t care about these things, content to just let you choose the way. Happy to follow.
And maybe you’ll be stunned if I tell you that you’re the only one with whom I am able to swim by the current. You know – you of all people know too well – how important it is to me to control things that go on around, you’ve called it my downfall a couple of times even… See, I’m learning. If only with you, I’m learning to let the other make choices for me and learning to accept them.
And you look like someone who is at one with his inner self. You are content, and you are free. And you look stunning – by the way.
I like to look at you.
My way or highway – the mode I’ve had to accept as soon as I became the one in charge of the team and everything that is linked to it. That’s how I’m working, and so far it’s paying off. Olli says that it’s part of my charm and that without this attitude I won’t be worth mentioning in newspapers twice – he’s good for doubtful quality jokes, our Olli. And Hansi says I’m a born leader and that’s why nobody is doubting my authority even if I’m talking nonsense. They make a good pair with Olli, with their sense of humor…
I haven’t even noticed at first how easily I’m falling back to being your second in command whenever we are together. It’s so natural, a habit – but no, reflex rather, and when you are here I’m content to be led. By you.
When you’re around, you are always the one to choose – what next. Even without saying a word, you’re leading the way – and I follow. Like when we were working together, though now it means much, much more. And I won’t have it any other way.
When you’re telling me about the latest adventure you’ve taken, I can’t help but laugh. There’s so much of a ‘kid just out of Disneyland’ expression on our face, I can forget that you are a grown man right now.
It’s one of the many things I love about you – your ability to live a life. Live it to the extremes, taking everything you can right now, right here. You’re brave – because sometimes you don’t stop even at the places where I’m ready to turn back.
There wouldn’t be anything between us if it wasn’t for you, for your ability to risk what you have in order to gain something you are striving for. If not for you, I would never have seen a lover in you, and I’m grateful that you’ve had enough courage to make things turn. Because you know, right now I can’t imagine my life without you.
No, I can, I surely can. But… Without you there will be something missing, a very big gape that can’t be filled, and I don’t want to even try. When I say that I love you, I mean it – you are a part of my life, and if we part ways some day… I don’t want to even start contemplating how it would feel. And I’m glad that you mean the same when you say that you love me too.
I know that it isn’t love – you love Daniela and nobody else, if we speak about romantic kind of love. But it’s only fair, I too love my wife and she’s the one to whom love – as ‘real love’, you know, from all the novels and stuff – belongs. But we are lucky that love has so many different kinds, and we can say ‘I love you’ without lying to each other and cheating on those we leave behind for now. Love is a wonderful thing.
I am happy to feel you so close to me, and I hope you know that – and I think you do. I love you, and I love telling it to you – though not at every opportunity I get, or I’ll be repeating the same phrase every two minutes and you’ll call me a lovesick fool. But when you answer ‘I love you too’ – it’s…
Yes, yes, I’m a lovesick fool and should get a life and should remember that I’m old enough not to be concentrating every minute on my lover. See, I’m reasonable enough and agree with everything you can say in advance.
But sometimes… Sometimes I do doubt that you… No, don’t get me wrong. I trust you, and in no way you’ll be saying that you feel something you don’t feel, it’s just not like you – and I know you well. But sometimes I can’t get rid of thoughts that make me uneasy. Like the name you’ve whispered once and London and and and…
But I know that you love me, and I’m not going to doubt you no matter what. You know it, right?
There is always an intensity in your kisses, so much passion. Too much sometimes, and I wonder – do you notice when you’re overstepping the boundaries? I’ve never taken you for careless…
You kiss as if you’re staking a claim. And you’re leaving marks on my body every time. I sometimes think you do this on purpose – but sometimes I think even stranger things, they’re not calling me paranoid for nothing. Don’t be offended. I know how strange it sounds – you trying to prove something in bed, trying to make some sort of statement… You don’t, I know.
And I don’t mind. It’s your way. You’re passionate and you’re a maverick even if you laugh at me when I say it in your face. So I didn’t expect anything different when I came to your bed. And I love it. I love you.
When you laugh at something I’ve said, already half-asleep in my arms – these are the most perfect moments. Your complete trust, your tenderness and your love belonging to me. Only to me, even my fears can’t spoil the feeling of peaceful joy.
I love to watch you when you sleep, and I’ve noticed you watching me once – we make a fine pair, do we, behaving like two lovers from cheap paperback novel? So what. Who said that cheap paperback novels are complete fiction?
I want to stay like that. I want to hold you with me – if I dream about leaving in a perfect world, I dream about living my whole life with you.
Joke, got you fooled for a moment, yes? Don’t worry.
I just want it – everything – to last, and since you want the same, we’ll be fine. Even though the championship begins in just a couple of weeks and it’s impossible to guess what’ll happen then – we’ll be fine.
I love you.